Okay.... so this is something that is occupying my mind nonstop these days.
I need to lose weight.
After my clothes fitting snugger and snugger, I finally stepped on the scale last week and I seriously burst into tears.
I weigh the most I ever have in my life.
This really shouldn't be shocking to me....but still, it was.
And what upset me even more was seeing how much weight I have gained in the past six months!
I'm just not in a good place at all and I decided I have to take some serious control.
Let me go over a little recap of what life has looked like for me and weight.
Basically, I never had issues with my weight until I hit my late 20s. Oh sure--like most girls I always thought I needed to lose a few pounds and I definitely was never super skinny like some of my friends. However, I was always an active and involved individual who could hold her own. My weight had never hindered me in life. I didn't think it was causing me issues or prohibiting me from doing things. But, this all has changed in the past ten years.
The weight started to creep on slowly. When my husband and I met, we were both at a pretty good place health wise. He had recently lost a significant amount of weight and I was very active at my gym. Our early dates consisted of going for runs (can't even imagine doing that now--for either of us) and shopping for clothes a few sizes smaller than what we buy now.
When I talk in therapy about my weight gain, I always say, "I knew it was happening, but I tried my best to ignore it." This sounds stupid when I type it out, but if I try to give a better explanation, what I mean is that even though I knew I was buying bigger sizes, and my face was fuller, and I was overindulging way too many evenings.....I just didn't want to face it. I didn't want to accept how big I was getting.
There have been many times I've attempted to beat this in my 30s. However, I have always let any obstacle in my way be the excuse for why I could quit. I could give you a long list of reasons why I say I've gained weight:
1. Having my son (he just turned 6.)
2. Being diagnosed with Poly Cycstic Ovarian Syndome (PCOS)
3. Feeling stressed from work and feeling like I don't have time to work out/cook healthy foods
4. Dealing with a husband who has worked various shifts which often led to me being home alone with my son and not wanting to be burdened with cooking healthy meals
5. Celebrating anything and everything with friends--I'm blessed to have a great crew and we have found more than one occasion to eat or drink together
Honestly, I could give you excuse after excuse.
I am great at saying, "Okay--I'm gonna do this. I have to be serious." And I will make a trip to the grocery store to buy all the healthy stuff. I will set up a workout plan (often with a friend) and be totally "in" to it. I will tell my husband, "No more BS--I have to follow through"---and I do. For like, a hot second. And then I, once again, give up. Usually it's because I've had a bad day and I decide I need something to "comfort" me. Or, there is some type of event and I decide I just want to eat this or that--knowing full well that it will absolutely send me into a downward spiral. Bottom line--I'm great at giving up.
So--I realize my track record and I'm 100% aware that the odds are not in my favor. But, I read a book this summer by Rachel Hollis called, "Girl, Wash Your Face" and it really motivated me to just stop with the excuses. I'm hoping that with my weekly therapy, the friends I have asked to keep me accountable, and my desire to be thriving health wise by the time I turn 40---that I can do this. I want to--but I have to want it so bad that I refuse to quit this time.
What my therapist has imposed on me (and Rachel has through her words) is that I have to stop making everyone else a priority over me. I am the type of person who doesn't want to disappoint others. I go out of my way to avoid doing that---but ultimately, I have no problem disappointing myself. I would never dream of dropping the ball on a commitment with a friend--but I totally do it to myself all the time. Specifically, I do it with my health journey.
For me--losing weight means I need to eat right AND exercise. I can tell you right now that the thing that gets in the way the most for me with eating is not taking the time to cook and plan ahead. I get into a situation where I'm hungry--and I'm not prepared. I really have to be better about just making the time--to shop, to prepare, and to then follow through with those choices each and every day. So many times I'll get to a Friday and think, "I just want to go out tonight." Going out is not a good choice for me---at least at this vulnerable place. I am drawn to making a bad choice. Seriously--I'm going to dinner tonight with friends and it has me soooooo stressed out. But I have to just be mindful of this. I have to stop making excuses. I use my friends and social situations as excuses A LOT of the time. I see them eating and enjoying the food and I think, "I want to be part of that too." It isn't worth it. I feel like crap later. But it's just this terrible place I've gotten myself into.
As for the exercising--committing to daily walks is my first goal. I gradually want to incorporate doing more--like classes at the YMCA and my old workout DVDs that I know produce results. However, I'm so out of shape right now that walking is all I can do. And I just have to be consistent with getting my walks in. I need to do it--no matter what.
The thing that my therapist and Rachel (yes, by reading her book and following her on social media, I feel like we are close, personal buds) have made me realize is that I have to approach all of this like it is NOT a punishment. It's absolutely not a punishment. I know that losing this weight will make me feel better and will do so much for my health. And I need to prioritize ME. I look after so many other people in my life--and I put myself last.
It's time to put me first.
But--it isn't easy---especially when it comes to this.
I know some of you reading this are embarking on this weight loss journey as well. And I pray we can continue to stay the course and be helpful and encouraging to one another as we go into a new school year.
I need to lose weight.
After my clothes fitting snugger and snugger, I finally stepped on the scale last week and I seriously burst into tears.
I weigh the most I ever have in my life.
This really shouldn't be shocking to me....but still, it was.
And what upset me even more was seeing how much weight I have gained in the past six months!
I'm just not in a good place at all and I decided I have to take some serious control.
Let me go over a little recap of what life has looked like for me and weight.
Basically, I never had issues with my weight until I hit my late 20s. Oh sure--like most girls I always thought I needed to lose a few pounds and I definitely was never super skinny like some of my friends. However, I was always an active and involved individual who could hold her own. My weight had never hindered me in life. I didn't think it was causing me issues or prohibiting me from doing things. But, this all has changed in the past ten years.
The weight started to creep on slowly. When my husband and I met, we were both at a pretty good place health wise. He had recently lost a significant amount of weight and I was very active at my gym. Our early dates consisted of going for runs (can't even imagine doing that now--for either of us) and shopping for clothes a few sizes smaller than what we buy now.
When I talk in therapy about my weight gain, I always say, "I knew it was happening, but I tried my best to ignore it." This sounds stupid when I type it out, but if I try to give a better explanation, what I mean is that even though I knew I was buying bigger sizes, and my face was fuller, and I was overindulging way too many evenings.....I just didn't want to face it. I didn't want to accept how big I was getting.
There have been many times I've attempted to beat this in my 30s. However, I have always let any obstacle in my way be the excuse for why I could quit. I could give you a long list of reasons why I say I've gained weight:
1. Having my son (he just turned 6.)
2. Being diagnosed with Poly Cycstic Ovarian Syndome (PCOS)
3. Feeling stressed from work and feeling like I don't have time to work out/cook healthy foods
4. Dealing with a husband who has worked various shifts which often led to me being home alone with my son and not wanting to be burdened with cooking healthy meals
5. Celebrating anything and everything with friends--I'm blessed to have a great crew and we have found more than one occasion to eat or drink together
Honestly, I could give you excuse after excuse.
I am great at saying, "Okay--I'm gonna do this. I have to be serious." And I will make a trip to the grocery store to buy all the healthy stuff. I will set up a workout plan (often with a friend) and be totally "in" to it. I will tell my husband, "No more BS--I have to follow through"---and I do. For like, a hot second. And then I, once again, give up. Usually it's because I've had a bad day and I decide I need something to "comfort" me. Or, there is some type of event and I decide I just want to eat this or that--knowing full well that it will absolutely send me into a downward spiral. Bottom line--I'm great at giving up.
So--I realize my track record and I'm 100% aware that the odds are not in my favor. But, I read a book this summer by Rachel Hollis called, "Girl, Wash Your Face" and it really motivated me to just stop with the excuses. I'm hoping that with my weekly therapy, the friends I have asked to keep me accountable, and my desire to be thriving health wise by the time I turn 40---that I can do this. I want to--but I have to want it so bad that I refuse to quit this time.
What my therapist has imposed on me (and Rachel has through her words) is that I have to stop making everyone else a priority over me. I am the type of person who doesn't want to disappoint others. I go out of my way to avoid doing that---but ultimately, I have no problem disappointing myself. I would never dream of dropping the ball on a commitment with a friend--but I totally do it to myself all the time. Specifically, I do it with my health journey.
For me--losing weight means I need to eat right AND exercise. I can tell you right now that the thing that gets in the way the most for me with eating is not taking the time to cook and plan ahead. I get into a situation where I'm hungry--and I'm not prepared. I really have to be better about just making the time--to shop, to prepare, and to then follow through with those choices each and every day. So many times I'll get to a Friday and think, "I just want to go out tonight." Going out is not a good choice for me---at least at this vulnerable place. I am drawn to making a bad choice. Seriously--I'm going to dinner tonight with friends and it has me soooooo stressed out. But I have to just be mindful of this. I have to stop making excuses. I use my friends and social situations as excuses A LOT of the time. I see them eating and enjoying the food and I think, "I want to be part of that too." It isn't worth it. I feel like crap later. But it's just this terrible place I've gotten myself into.
As for the exercising--committing to daily walks is my first goal. I gradually want to incorporate doing more--like classes at the YMCA and my old workout DVDs that I know produce results. However, I'm so out of shape right now that walking is all I can do. And I just have to be consistent with getting my walks in. I need to do it--no matter what.
The thing that my therapist and Rachel (yes, by reading her book and following her on social media, I feel like we are close, personal buds) have made me realize is that I have to approach all of this like it is NOT a punishment. It's absolutely not a punishment. I know that losing this weight will make me feel better and will do so much for my health. And I need to prioritize ME. I look after so many other people in my life--and I put myself last.
It's time to put me first.
But--it isn't easy---especially when it comes to this.
I know some of you reading this are embarking on this weight loss journey as well. And I pray we can continue to stay the course and be helpful and encouraging to one another as we go into a new school year.
It will help so much to journey together, and smack bad foods out of each other's hands! Health is everything!
ReplyDeleteI think it's easy to view food as a reward, comfort, celebration but food was never meant to be all of those things. I spent 13 years where, when I was struggling with everything else in my life, I would eat and eat and then throw up. I've been in recovery for 4 years now, I still have friends who hold me accountable. I have to work on the mentality that I "should" be able to just eat whatever I want. I have been learning moderation and balance, it's a process! I think preparation is always helpful but honestly I can find something to eat anywhere. Chick Fil A grilled nuggets, Wendy's chili or grilled chicken sandwich, Panera soup/salad combo (they have the nutrition facts listed), a lot of places have nutrition information available and I usually look at a menu online so I have an idea of what will be available. If it's a place that doesn't have the information online I know to stay away from cream sauces, sauteed, smothered and fried. At home it's easy because my husband grills a lot of chicken and pork. He also buys the 97% lean ground beef and adds taco seasoning since we both like tacos a lot! You got this!
ReplyDelete